Different Relationships.

I cannot claim to be an expert in this – can anyone? My views on our love lives are they are interesting and usually, I tend not to share what goes on behind closed doors. I also find it interesting that some relationships with partners or even friends can at times run their course. Some friends enter our lives and stay forever. Others come and go easily feeling as if each reunion is the same as where we last left off. And then others can start off as friends but end up feeling more like an acquaintance a year or so down the line. Why is this?

Friendships are especially important and there are individuals that enter our lives that are always there to listen when we need someone. They offer support and guidance when possibly we cannot go to our other halves or families. Others are great at giving us gentle reminders to get our butt in gear to action the goals we have always wanted to do. Some friends are super honest with us when we need a true opinion (probably me). Others are always positive and enjoy making us happy no matter what we suggest. I am incredibly grateful to the individuals that stick by me.

There have sadly been occasions when I have lost friends over the years. Firstly, I put it down to me moving away to London as it made it a lot harder to see them. Now I look back at this and am not sure if this was the real reason as there are some friends that always check on me no matter where I am. There are other friends at one point I was incredibly close to and I would call them to ask their opinion on anything, that are now sadly friends I would be wary of liking their posts. I found this very upsetting as I always went into friendships hoping I would always be friends with these individuals forever. However, I have learnt as years pass by this can be difficult as we all need to put our energy into our own challenges and success.

There are relationships you get caught in that seem to be a whirlwind of passion. It is the romance where you feel your heart beats fast when you are in their company. As soon as you met them or when you were in their company you knew straight away that you wanted it to become a relationship. It is a relationship built on one person or both sides being infatuated by how that person makes them feel thrilled or picked up for the moment. But you soon realise after weeks or months that it is not a relationship that was nurtured or looked after so it does not have much value. I found this type of relationship can be quite overwhelming after giving so much of yourself to someone. Also, it is a time where you have done a lot to please someone that you are left finding it hard to recall what your own interests are.

Then there are relationships that start out with a lot of nurturing and you become best friends spending every day with each other. It becomes easy to talk about anything and slouching around in PJs in front of the television is an everyday activity. The relationship loses its spark and there becomes no physical intimacy. This relationship made me feel guilty as it was an unknown feeling to myself as I believed I needed to work harder to fix the difficulties. I learnt no matter what I threw at it and experimented with it was not going to change my feelings. This became a relationship that was not upsetting, just feeling of loneliness and guilt to walk away from someone who had listened for years on end about my life and what I wanted.

‘I don’t feel guilty kissing other people’ – Lennon Stella

There are relationships we break up from and we walk away sitting trying to make ourselves be upset but we are fine to continue our days as normal. Then there are relationships with people we get so involved with that we cannot console ourselves once we realise it is over. In each relationship, I do believe we learn a lot about ourselves and how to be a better person to another individual. It is important to listen to someone else’s views and share their interests as equal to our own. We do have to work on areas as there will also be times that are tricky, or your lives are not quite in line.

I do believe that there will be weeks when you are taking a lot of the weight of the relationship and you should not make the other person feel guilty for this. As time will pass and roles will be replaced, and they will be holding your hand when you have lost someone or cannot cook dinner because you are home too late. It is important to ask people what is going on for them as there are times, we might not realise something feels different for them. If you have watched ‘Normal People’ recently you will agree that communication can be the number one important factor for any relationship to work.

‘A relationship where you can be weird together is your best choice.’

I have been left heartbroken, I have been cheated on and I have had friends that distanced themselves or walked away. Every time this happens it can be very upsetting and make you feel you need to be more selfish next time or protective. Each time it happens we need to remind ourselves to do the opposite. I think we should be wary when this happens as it is important to meet someone new and offer this person a clean slate allowing them to get to know us. Trusting a new individual is particularly important but can be easier said than done.

Relationships with people can be the highs and lows of our lives filling it with important memories. I have been incredibly lucky to share many memories filled with wonderful people. I loved my childhood filled with early memories of my grandparents and cousins in our long corridor kitchen. I spent many years in an awesome dance group competing and winning cups with our groups at the festivals. I will always remember my eighteenth birthday in Federal Sixth Form in the common room. I will always remember my wonderful holiday to Australia with my other half traveling around different beaches along the west coast a couple of years ago.

If you are reading this, please remember to go and hug the person you may have fallen out with over something or re-introduce yourself to a distant friend as they would love to hear from you. Our memories are important to us (remember to take photos) as this is what we will remember for years to come. I want to make sure when this lockdown period is over, I have many more occasions booked in the diary. What will be your first adventure?

‘Relationships are like flowers, you water them, care for them, and nurture them for them to keep living and blooming’.