How are you?
Research suggests one in six people experienced a common mental health problem such as anxiety or depression in the last week. I have nearly fifteen hundred friends on Facebook resulting in two hundred and fifty people struggling last week. Did you reach out to any of them? Did any of them reach out to you?
Today, I decided to write about Mental Health once again as it has, unfortunately, been hanging around for a few weeks during this lockdown period. Today has been one of those days for myself where I have woken up for no reason at all with a tightness in my throat and not able to shake off the nervous feeling in my stomach and chest. I tried to stay in my PJ’s for a while and have warm showers and listen to music, but I feel today will just be one of those days. I decided to work at Camp during my summer holidays this year which I am looking forward too. But now I am wondering if subconsciously adding another project to my project list has caused my brain to go a little fuzzy.
‘On the surface, everything is just fine, but nervous doesn’t describe what’s going on behind these eyes’ Anna Clendening.
I do feel media and the easy access to being on media has not helped during the last few months. Like many, I have spent a lot of time at home working on a laptop and phone full time. I have found the amount of increased online phone calls difficult and having to be ready for meetings online. It has also made it easy while waiting for a reply to access social media accounts to look through other people’s days. I have always held on to the fact that I do not use social media as much as some others, but I have now become aware I would still find it difficult to give up. I admit I check my phone on social media accounts every morning and every evening before bed. Subconsciously I believe this has played a part in me feeling more anxious. My brain playing tricks that I have not achieved enough, or my day does not look as good as others have ‘presented’. It has left me sometimes feeling I have expectations to produce social media displays when my surroundings can feel quite the opposite.
I sadly have witnessed the mental health bug creep onto loved ones in the recent last few weeks. It can be upsetting to see loved ones you know are naturally optimistic people and crack out jokes throughout the day to now be hiding away. Friends start to distant themselves and then loved ones start to become withdrawn which can leave oneself feeling very alone. It is a tricky balance to support others and look after our own wellbeing too. When loved ones are struggling with their own mental health, they start to become quiet and not want to take part in any activities. It can feel no matter what you organise or try to plan it does not make them feel happy. I have learnt to not take this too seriously as it is not a reflection on what I have planned (well I hope not). Loved ones also stop planning ahead and start dealing with daily tasks which become enough to handle overwhelming them.
'Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light,' J K Rowling.
Again, I believe media does not make it an easy decision to admit you might need help as you see peers the same age successfully hitting milestones. I feel the pressure for males and individuals in keyworker positions even more challenging as they have to break away and be strong enough to admit they don’t feel right. When letting individuals know that someone might need support. A lot of people I notice don’t know how to react in this situation and are not prepared with tools to support that individual so instead tread on ice around them or ignore it. I have felt getting individuals to read articles or blogs getting them to reflect on how they feel finding similarities can help. And overall, just offering words and waiting until they are ready.
I have learnt to try to go with the flow each day and ride what is happening not trying to argue or put my thoughts across. I have learnt to be incredibly patient which at times has proved incredibly challenging to a red style personality. I have learnt to keep pursuing and doing all the activities I know we still love even if they are not noticed always. Being active and going to our favourite walks or spots could be the day when they are able to see the light again.
Overall, I have learnt I cannot always ‘fix’ everyone’s problems or I cannot always make them see today is okay if they are having a difficult mental health day. Just like when I struggle to shift the waves of anxiety or overwhelming feeling I feel from day to day. It is best for me to remain positive and offer them hope to explain that better days will come. I have learnt to get educated when it comes to mental health with knowing what help and support there is out there which includes a lot of different types. There are free support networks and websites to chat. If this is not your style then there are recommendations for blogs, movies, videos, or even herbal medicine that does not need prescriptions.
It has also been important for me to reach out for support from close friends too and to accept that I have found it hard to see loved ones feeling low. I felt when confiding to other friends it was a circle of warmth that I was not having to hide away anymore or pretend on media that everything was perfect. I have also learnt that it is important at times to express how I am feeling too and what impact the situation it is having on my own wellbeing. It has been important to look at what support my loved ones who are struggling can get and look at what devices or what support networks do I need to be the best support I can be. I feel if I am having a tough day or am crumbling under the pressure then I will not be able to hold up another individual very well.
During this lockdown period, I think it is important to remember ways in which we can support others. Giving each other space when possible by taking on walks alone or day trips to see people while socially distancing can give someone the space they are needing. We need to remind ourselves to validate other’s emotional experience as everyone experiences this new ‘normal’ differently. It is a good time to also shelf ‘no win’ loaded topics with your friends or family for a later date if you know you have not seen eye to eye on this topic in the past. Also, I think it is really important for us all to look out for the phrases we use around others and to look out to see if they have a negative influence. Research has shown that four good things can overcome a bad one. Let’s work on not mentioning all the tasks you don’t enjoy doing at work, or the house chores to be done or even the meetings that are coming up.
'The problem with having problems is that 'someone' always has it worse'.
What do you look forward to instead? I still think during this tricky time we can still look forward to dreams and plans we had before we headed into lockdown. I have goals I still want to achieve but I am allowing myself longer to achieve them. Please read this post today and reach out to me or others around you to say that you are not okay, or you are struggling. It is important to acknowledge that you might not know what you are feeling but you know it is not the happiest you could be.
Why don’t we use social media to help each other’s with wellbeing not use these platforms to influence our anxiety and troubles further?
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